The Doctor Will Date You Now

Today, I realized I’m not a relationship optimist. My friends (and junior residents) could have told you that, but it really just dawned on me! I go into every first date mentally prepared for it “to come to nothing.” Probably not the best approach, since self-fulfilling prophecies tend to, well, fulfill!

I grew up in a small town, where most girls married their high school or college sweetheart. As a first year medical student, I started dating a friend who was one of the other last people standing. It was disastrous. I’ll spare you the gory details, but, by breaking up with him, I definitely dodged a bullet. Suffice it to say, I would never have been able to become a surgeon had I married him.

A bad relationship causes some people, especially analytical types like me, to closely scrutinize every subsequent relationship…and every date. Overthinking became my forte. I found it challenging to enjoy getting to know someone just for the sake of getting to know them, because I feared overlooking something crucial.  If you ever wondered why I tweet about dating, it’s because I’m actively trying to break my overanalysis habit by getting lots of varied dating experience.

Hence my current endeavor – getting to know lots of people by lots of means. I’ve tried Match.com (fun), EHarmony (not my favorite), and most recently, Bumble (results pending). I’ve gone on blind dates, double dates, and attended a surprise birthday party to meet the brother of the boyfriend of a friend. I’ve dated people from the hospital and people from online who turned out to work at my hospital.

Online dating messages are “beyond the scope of this talk” and should be a post in their own right. These may amuse or frighten or flatter or bore the recipient. Too bad the invitation to meet in Paris wasn’t meant seriously! I once received a message accusing me of being so distracting that “I’m going to lose my job because I can’t pay attention at work because of you.” Also, a word to the wise: never tell a girl she has “a distinctly sensual smile.” I found that a bit creepy.

I’ve gone on so many awkward first dates, including getting stuck in a museum for five hours because I didn’t drive myself (love museums, just didn’t hit it off, learned my lesson). One guy kissed me and then teased me for having onions on my hamburger (you know who you are and I hope you never embarrass a girl like that again!). More recently, a great guy took me on a lovely second date picnic at the water’s edge, complete with real wine glasses and napkins.

Here’s the thing: I may not innately have optimism about my dating life, but I’m finally enjoying getting to know other people just because people are interesting. Hopefully someday I’ll find someone I can’t live without. I’ll keep you posted!

Keep up the strong work,
Single With Scalpel